I felt it was worth sharing an impressive story about a guy I’ve known since College. His name is Steve (I have given him a pseudonym to protect his anonymity).
Ever since I first met Steve, he had terrible luck with women and a generally negative demeanour. He was insecure about his height (for context, he’s around 5”6), he had bad skin and “a face only a mother could love” (his words, not mine).
He hated himself and it was obvious to many around him.
He was a lovely guy, but his lack of self-assuredness and insecurities around women made him a bit of a killjoy.
Steve and I shared a couple of classes, we were never best mates but always got on well.
We lost contact after College and hadn’t really spoken since.
Fast forward 12 years (we are both 32 years old now), Steve sends me an Invitation to connect on LinkedIn.
After a couple of messages back and forth, it turns out we work quite close to each other, so we agreed to catch up for Lunch.
When the time came to catch up and I arrived at the Cafe, I have to say, I didn’t recognise him at first.
He looked, spoke and held himself in such a way, that he was a far cry from the shy, downtrodden kid I knew in College (for context, his LinkedIn photo hadn’t given much away).
After some initial small-talk, I couldn’t help but blurt out something that had been on my mind since the moment I saw him: “Man, what the Fuck happened to you since College?”
At first, he laughed, then, he proceeded to provide me with a detailed explanation of how he turned his life around.
I can’t tell you what he said verbatim, but here were the high-level details of how Steve made his transformation:
I stopped complaining and started learning. I took stock of all of the things I hated about myself and decided to do my very best to fix them. Here’s how:
Instead of making myself a miniature bodybuilder, I focused on building a lean, muscular frame and retaining great posture. I’m also conscious to never try and act tough or overbearing, as people will be quick to label me as someone with ‘short man syndrome’.
My skin was terrible
I developed a strict daily skincare regimen (and still use it to this day).
I was depressed
I realised my depression was brought on by a few different things, namely, that I had no passion for anything. I started experimenting with hobbies until I found something that gives me a sense of purpose. It’s cooking. Which is great for three reasons:
No matter how bad my day is, I always have a sense of relief knowing I can go home, unwind and focus on something I love doing.
Women love a man who can cook.
Women find it sexy when a man is passionate about something.
Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that finding a hobby is an instant cure to depression. As someone who has his fair share of experience battling with his own mental state, I realise it’s more complicated than that.
I had terrible anxiety
I started doing Yoga and practising Meditation (which, by the way, has been an awesome way to meet women.)
I hated myself
I learned to accept my situation and realise that no matter how much I disliked my personal circumstances, I was never going to magically transform into a better-looking, naturally confident guy.
I promised myself that with time and practice, I could learn to respect myself. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly terrible about myself.
I surrounded myself with the wrong people
I used to hang around people who were fixated on making me as depressed as they were.
At first, I stuck around out of pity, but with time I’ve distanced myself and now I only surround myself with other positive people.
I have shitty hair
I stick to a classic short back and sides haircut and visit the barbers every 3 weeks.
I was deeply afraid of rejection
I dealt with it head on.
The first few hurt like hell. The next few hurt a little less.
Nowadays rejection means nothing to me.
I guarantee I’ve been rejected by more women than most guys out there, but in turn, I’ve also been told yes a hell of a lot more than men who let rejection prevent them from making many approaches in the first place.
I used to love making excuses
I realised that no-one wants to hang around with somebody who constantly complains.
I learned to stick to positive discussions with others, which, in turn, manifested into positive internal thoughts. I rarely complain about anything, anymore.
I was terrible at communicating with women
I have developed a strong circle of female friends.
I understand what makes them tick, I’ve learned to appreciate them as human beings (as opposed to targets) and the empathy I’ve developed for them has helped me realise that looks are nowhere near as important as I used to believe them to be.
I’m not a naturally funny guy
I learned to be light-hearted and develop a good sense of humour.
While I’m still no Ricky Gervais, I know how to enjoy myself and appreciate the humour of others. I’ve even been told by a number of women that I’m a really funny guy.
I have a very average fashion sense
I bought a bunch of neutral coloured T-shirts and slim-fit blue jeans and stuck to wearing just that.
Thankfully, as a man, I can get away with wearing the same outfit every day without anyone questioning me.
My teeth were terrible
I got myself one of those at home dental kits (if you use my discount code you get 10% off – I’m joking. This is not an elaborate advertisement for at-home dental kits).
All of the effort Steve has put into improving himself have made him an awesome, desirable dude.
His impeccable grooming, healthy lifestyle and positive sense of self are all attributes that make him attractive to women. More attractive than conventionally better-looking men who don’t make an effort.
If you want to sit around feeling sorry for yourself because you weren’t blessed with a chiselled jawline and a muscular frame, then you’ve already lost.
If you choose to make the best of your situation, work on yourself to such a point that your confidence will outshine your predisposed physical self, you’re in for a much happier, more fulfilling dating life. In fact, strike that, you’re in for a much happier, more fulfilling life in general.
Also, in case you’re wondering, Steve has been in a relationship for the past 18 months with a woman he describes as ‘amazing’. They live together and he plans on proposing to her over the next 12 months.
Here is a link to the original article.